all around you
all the time
vulture
Vultures make raspy, drawn-out hissing sounds while feeding and fighting, along with grunting noises that can sound like hungry pigs or dogs barking in the distance. Courting vultures may give a yapping sound although sometimes it just plain old squeaks.
They always sound annoyed. Probably because they are always annoyed.
ants
They don’t vocalize but rather they make their peculiar noise by rubbing two of their abdomen parts together.
The Pheidole Pallidula species, and others, have three classifications of ants, or three types of employment…
1
workers, who sound like crickets chirping steadily while a midget circus clown laughs
2
soldiers, who sound like chickens sitting on a wooden fence complaining about ripping advertising cards out of magazines and
3
the queen, whose sound is loud and annoying, this time complaining about the barnyard dog, with a squealing pig on the other side of the barn
Some ants chat with one another. That’s really what it’s called: ant chatting. Sounds like a calypso percussion band running for the bus. You might hear this while the ants are minding their own business, redding up the nest, playing cards or discussing Kierkegaard.
Bullet ants, those assholes of the Hymenoptera order, mimic the voice of a squeeze toy. Why such a low opinion? When they sting you, they can change your life. One Venezuelan name for these plonkers translates to “the one who wounds deeply.”
Justin O Schmidt, the “King of Sting” and formerly of the Carl Hayden Bee Research Center in Tucson, Arizona, up and published papers on how much it hurts to get stung by various wasps, bees and ants. The scale of his “Schmidt Pain Index for Stinging Insects” puts a 0 rating as the type of bug sting you would laugh at whereas a 4 would cause you to wail and flail wildly. Wail and flail. Ole Justin describing the bullet ant… “Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail grinding into your heel.” Or getting shot. Schmidt Index: 4.0+, the highest rating.
In this case, it’s not so much the sound of the bullet ant that puts it in this column, but rather the screaming and wailing coming from the victim that earns an entry here.
chicken
They cluck. You know that.
bison
No question about it. A frat boy award-winning beer burper.
Sometimes a bison will growl with beer burp counterpoint.
Other comely voicings could include the low rumbling bellow of a stud in heat, high-pitched bleats of a calf looking for mom, snorts, coughs, roars and grunts. If a sound has even the hint of prettiness, it is banned from being uttered by a bison.
elk
This is a harmonica, definitely a harmonica. Not to put too fine a point on it, a bass harmonica.
llama
The alpaca, with their teenage haircuts, often ask a question, usually gently. “Hnn…? Hnn…?”
Sometimes however, like teenagers, they unabashedly burp. Ask an alpaca a question and, surprised, it may squeak. In a group, they will hum. Not to each other, but sort of to the wind. Different pitches, often in the pentatonic scale. Now there’s a talent!
Somewhere during your time, you’ve heard a squeaky fence gate open or close. That’s alpaca too. Some alpacas may cluck. Usually the ones with buck teeth. They look like they are making a joke.
Have you ever orgled? Maybe you have but you don’t know that you have. Alpacas orgle, oh yes they do. It sounds like intermittent sounds that peek through while tuning a 1940s AM radio. Only the males make this sound and they make it when they are making it, which is to say, while mating, or attempting to mate. She remains nearly still as if she couldn’t care less. Orgle on big boy, with or without her participation.
turkey
The boys will gobble, sounding like they are spinning off the flywheel.
Both toms and hens yelp although if you’ve heard a turkey yelp, it’s more likely the hen. The yelp sound resembles sliding a straw through the tight hole in the plastic lid of a drinking cup. I don’t know what turkeys do in the woods. For all I do know, she might be sliding that straw.
There are three types of turkey yelps.
1
the plain yelp
It’s a way for them to keep track of one another
2
the lost yelp
You’ll hear this when they get separated from their flock
3
the assembly yelp
This brings back the birds that got separated from the flock
A turkey may cluck. Also, purr. Sounds just like you’d expect: a purring sound. Think of a cat purr. A purring turkey, like the cat, is comfortable, feeling safe.
Not unusually, the purr is paired with the cluck. The cluck is designed to get attention, whether seeking friendship or a signal the hen gives to the tom that she is ready to roll. Or they may simply be feeding.
There’s more. The hen may cutt. This could mean she’s excited, looking for company, either to fight or to breed. This is one hepped up chick. Sounds like a toy dog on speed.
The most famous turkey sound is, of course, the gobble. Few sounds in nature capture attention like a turkey gobble. In the spring, toms gobble to let hens know where they are, if you know what I mean.
A turkey will putt when alarmed. Think of the last time you played table tennis. The sound of the ball striking the paddle? That’s it, a putt. If you hear the putt when there is no ping pong table around, someone might be calling on you to mate, but he/she might get pissed off when discovering you are from the wrong side of the tracks.
Other turkey sounds include the tree call, the fly-down cackle, the kee-kee and the spit & drum.