anywhere that’s not home
You’re in the woods. A bear shows up for its appointment. What do you do?
Essentially, don’t panic, but do what you do when you do panic. Jump around, make noise, scream like a shrill little kid. Especially if you are a shrill little kid. Bears respond to sincerity.
Also, stand together with everyone in your group. Although bears have an extraordinary sense of smell — they’ve known you are there from a quarter of a mile away — their eyesight sucks. To them, a group of hikers standing together looks like one large creature and most bears will back away from someone they see as bigger and stronger. Really. That’s one reason bears catch salmon and not whale.
One more thing. Bears like music. If you meet up with a bear, sing to it. But beware, according to my brother Laurence, bears cannot carry a tune.