Allegheny Front Trail
Black Moshannon State Park
Pennsylvania
September 2003
First of all, it’s officially called Naked Hiking Day, but I don’t have any idea who the officials are. Would there even be officials for nakedness?
I may not be the only one to claim this ignorance as there are others who call it Nude Hiking Day. Who am I to criticize.
Next, whatever you are expecting in this column is probably what you are going to get.
And third, we’re talking about the longest day of the year, or June 21, or both.
An unidentified columnist named “Woody” says, “Colin Fletcher’s books inspired thousands of people to get out into the wilds with a pack on their backs.” To which I append, “…and inspired thousands of people to get out into the wilds with a pack on their backs, and no other covering for their bodies.”
I am one of those inspired to get out “into the wilds” by Colin Fletcher (and also by my friend Marc.) Fletcher once hiked the Grand Canyon, mostly carrying, rather than wearing, his clothing.
His book The Complete Walker has been called “The Backpacker’s Bible” by anyone and everyone. Rightly so. We all know that the wisdom of the bible is sacred.
A number of writers put a lot of energy into their columns advancing an understanding of the legal ramifications of hiking sans clothing. It boils down to this: Maybe it’s legal, maybe not. You’re welcome. You want details?
Former Massachusetts criminal defense attorney Daniel Cappetta says that intent matters insofar as the differentiation between a misdemeanor and a felony charge. As for our present topic, to meet the requirements of indecent exposure, you must…
. expose your genitals to one or more persons
. expose said genitals intentionally and
. offend someone with your display.
These could sum up your misdemeanor. But add to this that “the exposure is done in a way that would cause a reasonable person to be shocked and alarmed by the exposure.” Now you’ve got the felony charge of “open and gross lewdness.” To say nakedness is in the eye of the beholder does not elucidate anything.
I choose not to get into the debate of what a “reasonable person” is — are there any left? — nor what it would take to be “shocked and alarmed.” I will choose to say, “Oh for the love of…. If yer gonna hike nekkid, don’t be stupid. Okay?”
If you must hike au naturel, and some of us must, hark this…
. Some communities are naked friendly, some are not. Find those that are. Duh. Also, there are a number of naked hiking groups around the country who have an understanding with local law enforcement so that the law enforcers are lax in their duty as long as the naked people behave.
. Hike with other naked lunatics.
. Seek clothing-optional resorts and naked hiking clubs.
. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t make too much noise, don’t disturb the natural habitat. If you must do any of these, get off my hiking trail!
. Be respectful of the property of others. Kind of like you were clothed. Also you may want to have handy a bandana or two in case you meet up with a shy person. Proud as you may be, not everyone wants to know you that well. Right?
. Try a national park. There are no federal laws against going free (although double check Cape Cod National Seashore, which has been all uppity after a rash of complaints in the 1980s and 1990s.)
With that said, nudity can be cause for a disorderly conduct charge if it disrupts or disturbs other visitors’ experience.
. Be aware that two heavily traveled footpaths are the Appalachian Trail and the Pacific Crest Trail. These two heavily traveled trails tend to attract naked people. Hooray! Just have something handy — a bandana, a mailman pouch, a pair of Groucho glasses — in case you run into small children. Try not to terrify them with yourself.
Although small enough children would just as soon strip down to be like you, Mommy and Daddy may not share that enthusiasm.
. Consider a midweek hike when there are fewer hikers on the trail.
. Wearing clothing near trailheads lessens the chance you might show more of yourself than others expect or desire to see.
. Maybe even send a clothed hiker ahead to alert any “textile hikers” that a naked group is on their way.
. Be careful when on Forest Service or Bureau of Land Management (BLM) territory, which are under jurisdiction of local and state laws. The rangers who are charged with protection of grandmothers and little kids, can arrest your ass. Literally.
In real life, watch out for…
. Sunburn. You might be surprised what it feels like on your pale inexperienced skin. It’s going to be worse than you imagine.
. Bug bites, stings, ticks and other vermin of the insecta world (pancrustacean hexapod invertebrates.) There are special areas where you really don’t want these critters to visit. And who would want a pancrustacean hexapod invertebrate to explore your not-at-the-moment-private privates.
. Weather that can damage you if you are exposed to the weather.
. Be careful not to get blisters. Those pack straps and hip belts can chafe. And this will happen in inconvenient and disturbing places on your body. (Come to think of it, where do you want blisters!)
Why do it? Why the heck hike naked?
. You can connect to the outdoors in a unique, more intimate way.
. Be part of the crazies in their Earth-worshipping glory.
. Celebrate the summer solstice, the most illuminated day on earth.
. Modern pagans believe that magic is particularly strong during June celebrations of the solstice. They build bonfires to further strengthen the sun’s energy. Celebrating with friends and family, they cast spells and make offerings to the gods and goddesses. What more meaningful offer could you make than yourself. Your authentic self. The real you. Nekkid.
What else goes on here? Wiccans, New Agers and Scandinavians are known to dance around maypoles on Naked Hiking Day and thousands gather at Stonehenge to partake in the “all natural” celebrations.
I found a website that is composed mainly of “30 Photos to Celebrate Backpacking in Your Birthday Suit.” It would be impossible to miss two things about all the hikers in the photos. First, they all wear broad smiles. Second, they all cheat: Every one was wearing hiking boots.
Given that, what is proper attire when hiking naked? What’s your approved apparel? Bear with me. There is more to the answer than the obvious “nothing.”
Wear a hat. Especially if your head has the amount of hair my head has, which ain’t much. A wide-brimmed hat is a good idea. Some claim that such a topper can protect not only your head, but your identity. To which I say, make a commitment.
Boots and socks. Absolutely! It isn’t cheating. If you have advanced enough emotionally and spiritually that you would hike naked, you are advanced enough to know that going barefoot will likely tear the soles right off your feet. It’s stoney, it’s rocky, it’s rooty, there are holes and animal droppings, stones and sharp things. Wear your boots.
You’ve got exposed areas of your body that are usually insulated from trail hazards. This reminder; watch for prickly bushes, sticking out branches, poison plants and jutting rocks.
To the ancient Greeks, nudity was a big deal, in a positive way. You knew this; look at their statues!
It was part of their culture, a respected religious practice for many. Sans clothing, they would do their work, they would dance and exercise. Their physical activity often took place in a gymnasium where they also required exercise of the mind. Naked schools!
When a child was born the father would parade around naked, holding up his newborn, a tribute to the gods.
Don’t assume however that they did everything without clothing. When riding, or when in battle, they clothed themselves in what was appropriate for the activity. Fighting? Get dressed.
To the best of my knowledge, there was no ancient Greek equivalent of Hike Naked Day. This may simply be because there was no Appalachian Trail at the time.