Ohio
March 2015
The first zany thing about Bellefontaine in western Ohio is that they pronounce their own name wrong. My friend and hiking companion Bongo informs me that you say, “Bell fountain”, not “Bell fon tane.” That’s okay. Some folks who live in this midwestern state, “Ohioans” we call them, pronounce the name of their state, “o HI a.” They should call themselves “Ohioans.” Right? Nope. They call themselves “Buckeyes.”
Ohio is okay. Not OK. That’s Oklahoma. Ohio is OH. Oh yeah? Yeah, and that’s okay.
Ohio is okay in that lots of important events and people have happened in Ohio. Neil Armstrong and Thomas Edison were born in Ohio, as well as Paul Newman and Annie Oakley. Hang On Sloopy is the official state rock song. I have to say that twice. Hang On Sloopy is the official state rock song. Ohio was the first state to enact laws protecting working women and it is the location of the world’s first full time automobile service station. Ohio invented chewing gum, the hot dog and it is the home of the first interracial and coeducational college in the United States, Oberlin College.
Lisa and I found some other outstanding features that, in our opinion, blows all of these out of the water. To wit…
Annabelle
On the campus of Ohio State University, the school that has won 39 Big Ten football championships, is a very large praying mantis named “Annabelle.”
Mooberry Street
Mooberry Street is a residential street in Columbus paralleling Interstate 70 for its entire 1.8-mile length. It is the name that attracted me.
Rushing Wind Biker Church
Weekly services are offered at this Zanesville house of worship. Their mission statement asserts that they “…effectively reach out to the biker community and to all the unchurched people in love, acceptance and forgiveness.” Leather jackets optional.
short street
In my home town of Pittsburgh, there is a Short Street. It is right off Longvue Drive. No kidding. Pittsburgh has a number of short streets. But none can make the claim that Bellefontaine makes about their beloved McKinley Street. McKinley Street is not only short, but the Buckeyes claim it is the shortest street in the world.
Lisa and I reason that if we are going to visit places that are high, why shouldn’t we visit places that are short! To us, McKinley Street is so short it looks like an intersection. Any intersection long enough would look like a short street, come to think of it. It could just be a really long intersection. Shortest street in the world? I guess as long as no one disputes this claim, it’s okay with me. But the shortest street in the world? Well, it’s got to be somewhere, doesn’t it?
In the photo, McKinley Street stretches from the street signs on the left, to the railroad signal pole on the right.
oldest concrete street
Some time ago, roads were dirt, automobile wheels were wood. This combination was worth one rough ride, like getting an undisciplined chiropractic adjustment to your kidneys.
Bellefontainers tell us that Court Avenue in downtown Bellefontaine is the first concrete street in the country. Or rather, Bellefontaine claims Court Avenue to be the oldest concrete street in the country. Is there a difference between the first and the oldest? In theory, the first of anything may not be the oldest as it may not exist any more, and another existing one which came after the first, might be the oldest. So yes, there is a difference. Court Avenue takes the honor of being both the first and the oldest concrete street in the country, having been laid in 1891. A newly erected metal arch spans the western entrance of this one-block-long street. At the length of one block, it is nowhere near to challenging McKinley Street in shortitude.
Under the arch, you are greeted by a statue of George Bartholomew, the guy who invented the concrete pavement. Did you know that? I did not know that. Court Avenue, now East Court Avenue, is the first street he built of this new substance.
George Bartholomew founded the Buckeye Portland Cement Company. The statue at the western entrance is of the rather stiff George Bartholomew, as if it were made of concrete. Which it is.
On this trip, Lisa and I have been to…
the highest
. Campbell Hill
the only (state high point on a campus)
. Campbell Hill
the oldest (concrete street)
. Court Avenue
the shortest (street)
. McKinley Street
the insectiest
. Annabelle the Preying Mantis
the most whimsical (street name)
. Mooooberry Street
the raunchiest (street name)
. Fangboner
Please see Fangboner at https://www.asiwentwalking.com/2024/04/24/fangboner/
Yes, there is a Fangboner Road. The list of zany just goes on.
Now we visit the roundest.
On our way to the round thing, we make a short stop at a grocery store where a couple is pushing their goods in one cart and their baby in another cart. All three, the couple and the baby, are dressed in matching camo except that hers says Hobo Honey on the back of her jacket. This is in Logan, Ohio, the same place where we find the roundest thing that you don’t expect to be round.
In the early 1970s a guy named Stewart had an idea for a type of housing that could resist damage from hurricane and tornado winds. He made the house round. One blogger says it has an uncanny resemblance to the Death Star which indicates how prescient Stewart was because Star Wars wasn’t released until several years after he built his house.
Making the structure round means it creates very little wind resistance and forming it of poured concrete makes it nonflammable. Stewart never moved into the house but rather used the building for storage. Then he died before the building could even be severe-weather-tested. Now his son owns it. He stops by from time to time, but otherwise, the house does just what it’s doing in the photo here. Nothing.
Just as the earth is a planet in its own right, so each of us is an individual in our own sphere of habitation…
—James E Faust
twenty-foot tall golf ball
I’m not going to say this is the world’s largest golf ball, but it might be. The AA Pro Shop, responsible for this thing in Heath, Ohio, is out of business. I’ll bet it stands up to hurricane winds.
most appropriately designed office building
It’s time to visit something that, in retrospect, is creative but also obvious. The Longaberger Basket headquarters building in Newark, Ohio. The moment you spy this building, you know it is not your standard brick and mortar. You also know what goes on inside. The Longaberger Basket building is a seven-story tall basket! What goes on inside? Baskets!
Imagine if every company were to create its headquarters to reflect what it sells, or to be, in corporis, what the company is about. In Boston, there is a building that looks like a giant milk bottle. It’s a dairy bar. There’s another milk bottle building in Spokane and this one is a restaurant that began as a dairy company. In Marietta, Georgia, Kentucky Fried Chicken took over a restaurant building that had been given a beak and a comb. Watch for the United Equipment Company building in Turlock, California. This one looks like a two-story tall bulldozer. These are good but my favorite (of course) is the building I’m picturing in my head: The Church & Dwight Company, manufacturers of Trojan condoms.
Lisa is from Maine, and proud of it. Sometimes, and this is an understatement, Mainers don’t exactly wear their emotions on their sleeve. They tend toward, y’know, stoic. And yet, when we round the corner and the immense basket of the Longaberger building comes into view, Lisa does something generally not allowed by her Maine code of residency. She screeches. She actually, spontaneously, lets out a scream of surprise and delight. I think she is as surprised at herself as much as by the basket. In her words, “I yelped with glee.”
I try not to think about the ants that would accompany this basket. Okay, wait. The building is modeled after the Medium Market Longaberger Basket and is 160 times the size of the genuine basket. Right now the largest ant in the world is just over an inch and a half long. So ants would be, oh, 21 foot-long giants.
Ohio is the most!